Book Review: You Can be the Awesomest

A self-help book? Why? I don't understand why I can't review something by Chabon or Murakami. What next, moneymaking scam books? Joel Tarder's book You Can be the Awesomest is a good book for you if you're a mouth-breathing Oprahphile.

Clearly, there's no way I'm going to read this book, but juding from our audience, I'm sure all of you will rush right out to pick up this gem so you can leave it prominently displayed in your lavatories and visitors to your house will be able to see just how friggin' retarded you are.

If common sense phrased as encouraging commands is something you think will improve your life, by all means go ahead and give this Tarder guy twenty bucks. If that's not enough, pay the extra fifty and go to his seminar. Motivation? Do you have any idea how much pornography you could buy for twenty bucks? Some. And I guarantee that will make you more productive.

You Can be the Awesomest

Joel Tarder

Totally Not a Scam Publishing

Retail Price: $34.95

Texting While Driving Leads to More Hook-ups

Jacksonville, FL - The Mayweather Institute of Driving Studies has determined that those who engage in texting while driving have, on average, over twice as many sexual encounters as those who refrain from texting while driving. Roger Potts, a guy with a cell phone, had this to say about the subject:

"Yo, I was textin' this girlie, this fly bitch, and she was all like, 'come over here and let's do it,' and I was all like, 'yeah, that sounds good,' and I went over there and she was all bobbin' up and down on my knob. It was awesome."

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