Book Review: Defecating Your Way to a Thinner You

Nina Taylor's new book, Defecating Your Way to a Thinner You hits bookshelves this winter. Should you read it? Well, that's the question my whip-cracking superiors are paying me to answer for you.

To be fair, reader, I haven't read this book. It's occupying space on the desk in front of me. It features a thin, beautiful woman standing next to a toilet and smiling daemonically. She's kind of hot. I wonder if she knew what she was actually posing for when this picture was taken, as it looks like she was photoshopped in.

If she did know, she's probably desperate for work. To be that desperate and that good-looking means she has low self-esteem. Okay, so, if any of you recognize this girl, or can suggest a way for me to get in contact with her to ask her out on a date, let me know.

Defecating Your Way to a Thinner You

Nina Taylor

Porcelain Publishing

Retail price: $14.95

New Weight Loss Method Discovered by Scientists

Addis Ababa, ETHIOPIA – Scientists working in this impoverished African nation claim to have discovered the secret to long-term sustained weight loss, summarized by researcher Pete Morgan as follows:

“QUIT EATING SO DAMN MUCH!”

Morgan went on to say, “Seriously, you Americans, you eat pounds and pounds of junk every damn day and wonder why your asses get so fat. It boggles the mind that you can’t see the correlation between the crap you shove in your faces and the fat enveloping your fat fat bodies.”

The results of the study are due to be published next week in the New England Journal of Real Medicine.