Book Review: Defecating Your Way to a Thinner You

Nina Taylor's new book, Defecating Your Way to a Thinner You hits bookshelves this winter. Should you read it? Well, that's the question my whip-cracking superiors are paying me to answer for you.

To be fair, reader, I haven't read this book. It's occupying space on the desk in front of me. It features a thin, beautiful woman standing next to a toilet and smiling daemonically. She's kind of hot. I wonder if she knew what she was actually posing for when this picture was taken, as it looks like she was photoshopped in.

If she did know, she's probably desperate for work. To be that desperate and that good-looking means she has low self-esteem. Okay, so, if any of you recognize this girl, or can suggest a way for me to get in contact with her to ask her out on a date, let me know.

Defecating Your Way to a Thinner You

Nina Taylor

Porcelain Publishing

Retail price: $14.95

Iranian Protesters Toilet Paper Ahmadinejad's House

TEHRAN, Iran - Clips circulating on Reuters and Breitbart show several college-age Iranian protesters tossing around what appear to be rolls of toilet paper around the trees, fences, and roof of the estate of Iranian President Ahmadinejad.

The Iranian government, sensitive to international criticism in the wake of recent widespread protests, and also needing to refocus the anger of millions of dissidents, have blamed the attacks on Israel, branding the masked youths 'Toilet Paper Terrorists.'

In a speech, Ahmadinejad railed against Israel, stating, "The sophistication of this attack, and the quantity of toilet paper used, clearly points toward support from a governmental entity with vast resources."

Israel's foreign ministry responded with the following statement: "We have not seen conclusive evidence supporting the existence of a country called 'Iran.' We suspect soon that this apocryphal nation will be 'wiped off of maps everywhere' when its claims to existence prove unsubstantiated. Also, Mossad operatives have never been known to use toilet paper in their black-ops. They prefer paintballs."