Obama Finally Achieves World Peace

Washington, DC - President Obama, with the assistance of the world leaders of every nation on Earth, has finally achieved what was once thought impossible: permanent world peace.

Working with the UN, Obama sponsored a resolution requesting that 'all nations should stop all this 'war' jive and get on the peace bus.' Every nation, including typical holdouts like Venzuela, North Korea, and Iran, decided to sign the non-binding document.

Israel and Palestine were both signatories to the document, and even in the Gaza Strip, where gunfire could still be heard ringing through the streets, one resident proclaimed, "World peace feels a lot like war."

The articles on this site are satire, they are NOT factual, and are not intended to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to any private individuals, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Sarah Palin Refuses to Just Go Away

Moosecock, AK - Despite losing the presidential election, resigning as governor of Alaska, and being roundly criticized for her cheerfully ignorant demeanor, Sarah Palin refuses to do the one thing everybody wants her to do: just GO AWAY.

When asked why she keeps grasping desperately for the attention of an irritated public, Palin said, "Is it because I'm an attention whore with no substance behind my mavericky-yet-blue-collar persona? You betcha!"

When asked about Sarah Palin, Russian puppeteer Vladimir Putin said, "We don't need to see her on the news, we can see her house from here."

The articles on this site are satire, they are NOT factual, and are not intended to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to any private individuals, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Social Security Actually Ponzi Scheme

Washington, DC - Secretary of the Treasury Timothy Geithner called a press conference today regarding decades-old documents which have recently surfaced in one of the storage rooms in the basement of the Treasury.

"According to these documents, Social Security functions like a Ponzi scheme. People pay into it now to cover the expenses of others, banking on the fact that in the future there will be still more people paying into it. This should've been obvious, even to me."

President Obama had a slightly more relaxed outlook, saying, "Geithner, my man, chill out. You're the Secretary of the Treasury. You can just print more money. It'll be okay."

The dollar was down on the news.

The articles on this site are satire, they are NOT factual, and are not intended to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to any private individuals, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Obamacare to Insure Democrats Only

WASHINGTON, DC - As the latest version of the hotly-disputed healthcare bill passed the House and made its way to the Senate, Republican lawmakers are up in arms about the latest provision tacked onto the legislation.

This latest provision stipulates that while everyone is allowed to purchase the government-funded insurance, surgeries, outpatient and inpatient visits will only be covered for 'patriotic Americans registered with the Democratic party.'

Obama has supported the measure, saying, "This will effectively cut the cost of the program in half, and over time, as Republicans are weeded out of the population, costs are projected to decrease even further."

Paul Dipshitz, a Republican senator from Iowa, disagrees. "While it's controversial, I doubt this provision will really make all that much of a difference. Most Republicans already have health insurance through their jobs, you know, because they do have jobs, and don't receive welfare benefits. So they'll be covered even when this ridiculous program fails. Me? As a senator I have really good health insurance, so I'm not too worried about it."

Christian-Muslim Relations Set to Flourish

New York, NY - While there have been tensions in the past, relations between Christians and Muslims are on track to improve dramatically over the next decade, experts agree. Even President Bush is preparing to make overtures to get more involved in Islamic strongholds such as Iraq and Afghanistan.

"It's important that we get closer to our Muslim neighbors here and abroad," Bush said in a recent speech.