Game Review: Scribblenauts

Our editorial team apologizes for the recent lack of articles. We've been holed up in our Newsenbunker spending copious amounts of time playing Scribblenauts for the Nintendo DS. It's this awesome game where you type in the names of objects, they appear, and you use them to solve puzzles.

And there's just so much freaking stuff in this game.

Our ten favorite things?
Black hole
Magic carpet
Pegasus
Hydra
Pterosaur
Atom bomb
Shrink ray

Flame sword

Lasso
Grappling Hook

Economists Predict Big Pay Increases for Economists

New York City, NY - A group of economists at the New York Institute of Economics published a report forecasting a large increase in the salaries and rates paid to economists. Samuel Himes, one of the economists involved in preparing the report, said:

"We expect the salaries to increase dramatically, consistently, year after year. The best way for employers of economists to deal with these forecasted pay increases is probably to give hefty bonuses and pre-emptive raises as an incentive to keep economists from jumping ship to other companies."

According to the New York Times classified ads, the going rate for an economist to speak at your gathering is $3.00 per hour.

The articles on this site are satire, they are NOT factual, and are not intended to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to any private individuals, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

RETRACTION: Cameroon Not Real Country

D'Starkville, IN - Our staff would like to apologize for an inaccurate article we printed disputing the existence of the nation of Cameroon. We were hesitant to acknowledge the country as a real place because of its dumb and made-up sounding name, but after a deluge of letters and e-mails and a quick trip to Google Maps (which could be a digital hoax, you know, not everything you see on the internet is real...) we are forced to concede that Cameroon probably does exist.

The articles on this site are satire, they are NOT factual, and are not intended to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to any private individuals, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Tyler Perry Not Funny

Los Angeles, CA - After an exhaustive search for someone who thinks Tyler Perry is funny, the D'Starkville Diatribe was unable to find even one person. And we weren't alone. Gloop Polls did a telephone survey of over 1000 individuals to try and find someone who thought Tyler Perry's penchant for dressing up like a fat old woman was even slightly amusing and couldn't find even one individual who did.

"There could be multiple explanations for this," says Gloop founder Rodney Schenck, "people may not want to admit that they find him funny, or the demographic that does find him funny does not own telephones, or it could be that he's terribly funny and everybody in the world is just too stupid to realize it."

The articles on this site are satire, they are NOT factual, and are not intended to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to any private individuals, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Link Between UFO Abductees and Mental Illness

Stuttgart, CA - Researchers have drawn a link between UFO abductees and mental illness. Utilizing MUFON reports from as far back as 1985, researchers have found a 100 percent correlation between abductees and 'being complete nutjobs'.

"Those researchers are just part of the conspiracy to silence us, man," says Jamie Hillard, an abuctee, "disinformation, misinformation, they brought down the Towers, they're the same ones who deny that Obama is a Lizardman and Hilary Clinton authorized the Kennedy Assasination in 2004 using time-traveling assassins. You think it's a coincidence? Do you? Who are you, anyway? Why are you recording this? I know what you're up to man. You might be able to silence me, but you'll never be able to silence the movement. You'll never silence the truth!"

The articles on this site are satire, they are NOT factual, and are not intended to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to any private individuals, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Cooties Causes Cancer in Laboratory Rats

Rockefeller, NY - Scientists studying the effects of cooties in laboratory animals have found a strong correllation between infected animals and the development of cancer, particularly cancer of the genitals.

Says Bell Green, one of the researchers, "All these years we've been downplaying the severity of cooties, only to find that it's a killer as strong as, if not stronger than, smoking."

Children who have contracted cooties are advised not to touch other children, especially girls, as girls are especially virulent carriers of the disease.

The articles on this site are satire, they are NOT factual, and are not intended to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to any private individuals, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Local Woman Puts Out

D'Starkville, IN - Rumors have been circulating around D'Starkville for weeks concerning former tease Sheena Willows who, as our very lucky sources have personally confirmed, has started putting out.

Our source, who would prefer not to be named, but will be named anyway as Paul Roderick, is on record as saying, "[Sheena] used to be a frigid bitch, but you get a couple drinks in her, and she spreads like butter."

The articles on this site are satire, they are NOT factual, and are not intended to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to any private individuals, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.