Zombies Campaign for Right to Vote

Monroeville, PA – A group calling itself 'Deadizens of America' has been campaigning vigorously for the right to vote. The group, led by Morgana Entwhistle, has been protesting in front of the Monroeville Mall holding signs and placards for over three weeks.

“America is supposed to be about freedom for everyone. Vampires and werewolves have had voting rights for over fifty years, but state and federal lawmakers have been denying us this basic liberty for the entirety of our afterlives,” Entwhistle said.

“Even when we are allowed to cast our vote, they call it ‘voting fraud’, which is ridiculous. The only fraud here is this sham of a government which thinks it can go on ignoring the rights of our ever-growing ranks.”

With the apocalypse scheduled for 2012, the population of the undead is expected to swell to hitherto unseen levels, with some analysts predicting zombies outnumbering the living as early as 2013.

The articles on this site are satire, they are NOT factual, and are not intended to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to any private individuals, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

UFOs Fight Zombies and Pirates in North Korea

Pyongyang, NK - It's chaos here! In its first 'proxy war' in decades, UFOs have descended on Pyongyang, decimating everything in their path with their plasma blasters and space lasers.

While the UFOs, thought to be here at the behest of the United States, are ravaging the already ravaged nation, zombies (possibly from China) and pirates (we're told they are lost Somalis) are defending the starving and confused citizens of North Korea.

The images and video we've seen and posted so far have been specacular, and there are enough explosions to make a new Transformers movie, but the mainstream media seems to be uniform in its decision to ignore this story. The media embargo will be hard to maintain, as it seems the mayhem is visible even from the International Space Station.

We will keep you posted with more information as we receive it.

New Festish Sweeps Nation

Centerville, NT - A disturbing new fetish is sweeping the nation, something so radical it hasn't even been denounced by the Catholic church yet. A spokesman for Pope Benedict has confirmed that a papal decree banning the practice will be released as soon as the pope figures out what it is.

"It's disgusting, absolutely disgusting," says Centerville resident Kim Peterson, "I caught my son right in the middle of it, and you can be sure he won't be ungrounded anytime soon."

The fetish started in red-light districts in New Amsterdam, but has quickly spread to Singapore, Antarctica, and now the nation's high schools. Teens just don't seem to understand what's wrong about their new sick obsession.

"I just don't see what's so bad about it," states local teen Jack Timber, "zombies need loving, too."

Zombie Party Endorses McCain

Pittsburgh, PA - The leader of the Zombie Party, Ephraim Klipspringer, said in a statement given at the annual Monroeville Mall Zombie Walk, that his party, "ambles aimlessly behind, er, stands behind McCain 100 percent."

He continued, "During these tough economic times, we need a candidate who gives us what we really need--mountains and mountains of brains. With four more catastrophic years of Bush-like economic policy, the ensuing apocalyptic climate will be ideal for harvesting brains."

When asked why she favored McCain, Zombie Party member Elaine Smith said, "Living candidates just don't understand the needs of our community, but McCain, that guy gets it."

While Obama has stated that he is "willing to meet with the zombies without precondition," recent polls show that the majority of the nation's zombies aren't impressed by this gesture.

"Initially, I'd heard a rumor that he was born in Haiti, and that was promising, and I was also very impressed that he wasn't pro-life. In the end, though, you gotta go with your gut, and my gut tells me that McCain will deliver the brains."

Graveyard zombie Ron Pulley was less enthusiastic. "People said the Bush administration would bring us brains, but in the last eight years I haven't seen a brain between the lot of them."