Erdrick? More like Nerdrick! And what kind of king sends one bepimpled teen with a bamboo stick and the most ridiculous helmet ever to rescue his daughter and save the world? He’s got all these soldiers and tons of tax money, and he sends YOU out on this perilous quest.
What a bastard.
Before this game, a term like ‘level-grinding’ had little meaning for the average gamer. Now, if you want to finish this game (not a prerequisite for living a long and happy life, you know, you could just skip this one altogether…) you’ve got to kill about 1000 slimes before you can even leave the general vicinity of the castle. Sucks, right?
If you play this game, it will piss you off. It will make you question your morality, your sexuality, your rationale for getting out of bed in the morning. This game will make you want to want to slit your wrists as you jump out of a 12th story window while attached to a very long noose (that’s triple suicide—and, yet, still not quite overkill) because you will, at some point, spend a few hours dodging monsters, hoping to end up with some good item and some asshole monster will cast sleep on you, you will be helpless as he proceeds to kill you, and you will have to start over. At which point your controller may fly into the TV, which is probably why they’re as flimsy as they are; this might protect your television to some extent.
With all these problems, I can’t see them making a sequel to this game. There definitely won’t be ten sequels, dozens of spinoffs, and a Saturday morning cartoon. What this game won’t be is one of the single most influential video games of all-time.
