Video Game Review: Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

A little known fact: instead of going through all the trouble to hire actors and coordinate special effects, the film is actually just two and a half hours of footage of someone playing this video game. It’s that realistic.

Where this game really shines is in its myriad of menu commands. The SWING SWORD command, the WALK TWO STEPS command, the DO NOTHING FOR THIRTY SECONDS SO THE PLAYER CAN EAT A FEW DORITOS AND WASH THEM DOWN WITH SOME DELICIOUS PEPSI command. Everything is done with a command. How does this guy go to the bathroom when there’s no player around to command him to?

I don’t know.

But the duels are pretty cool. Why an archer would duel someone when he could just shoot ARROWS at them, I don’t know. But, like I said, pretty cool. I could rag on this game for being a tie-in designed to promote a movie and wring more money out of fans, but I won’t. A lot of time was put into making a detailed and engaging game and that’s evident to the player.

Video Game Review: Paperboy

This game brings back a whole steaming pile of nostalgia for me. When I started at this rag eight years ago, I, too, was a humble paperboy. Riding my bicycle past dogs, dodging skateboarders and miniature tornados, all of these things happened to me on a daily basis.

I remember this one time, it was snowing, and I had just finished my paper route and proceeded to the obstacle course, when I crashed into a truck tire and broke both of my legs. Did it stop me from riding my route the following day? No! Because I’m a survivor.

Over the weeks that followed, houses that used to be painted red (so that I would know not to deliver newspapers to them) gradually started painting their houses blue and white, becoming subscribers based on the word-of-mouth buzz surrounding my excellent service.Sure, it was hard. I encountered Death any number of times, nearly bit it trying to jump ramps over go-kart riders and RC cars, but I persevered and eventually landed the sweet gig I have today.