Let’s start with the positives, to get them out of the way. This game has really good graphics, and many challenging levels for you to explore. Now for the negatives. You’ll never make it to most of those challenging levels because you’ll kill yourself before you ever manage to get past the first three.
An innovative feature of this game is that it gives you absolutely no direction. You are free to explore the world of the game as you choose, as long as the world you choose is the first few levels, because there is no logical way to get past them. Eventually, you may find yourself locked in a room with a fire-breathing dragon. Your weapon against this dragon? Bubbles.
There’s about a 99% chance this dragon will kill you.
Now, none of you have to review this game. You don’t have some ogre-like boss hovering above you telling you that you can’t go home until you beat the game because journalistic integrity requires you to complete the game before you review it.
But you also don’t have an expense account to blow on video game systems and hours of telephone therapy with Dan, my video game counselor at Nintendo. For eight bucks a minute, he’s walked me through dozens of video games and failed relationships. He’s helped me get over my abandonment issues by telling me how to kill Mother Brain, helped me through my aquaphobia by navigating me through the water levels in Super Mario Bros.
Now, after getting killed by this goddamn dragon one too many times, I seem to have thrown the game through the window. You will, too.
