So…wait. Is this little green dude named Zelda, or is this a chick, or what? He’s saving a princess…her name is Zelda. So who is this green guy I’m controlling? I really need to start reading the instruction booklets before I start playing these games. Certainly before I start writing about them.
The giant, shining money is good. Killing octopi is also good. That dragon at the end of the first dungeon, though, he’s a real asshole. I need more hearts before I attempt another dungeon…
One of the best things about this game is that it is GOLD. That’s how I know that it’s GOOD. And I can cut animals with a sword, which is also pretty sweet. Not to mention shooting them with ARROWS. It’s just like deer hunting, except in this game it appears I am ripping these animals’ hearts out and eating them.
Take that, octopus-bitches!
And, while we’re on the subject, what is the deal with all these princesses getting kidnapped? Are they raping them, or what? If not, why take them? If they are, do these hero-guys really want to deal with the years of therapy and psychological healing it’ll take for these sluts to get over it?
If that’s the case, they certainly won’t be putting out any time soon, so what’s the point of saving them?
I’d take some of that giant, shining money and go to the strip club hidden in the sixth dungeon.
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