ROSWELL, NM - Two-star General Albert Ford held a press conference today where he finally revealed the truth about what the media and enthusiasts have been referring to as 'UFOs' for the past fifty years.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that all the phenomena that have been reported all these years have been found to have a perfectly logical, easily-understood explanation that will satisfy both believers and skeptics alike."
Leroy McClane, a self-proclaimed ufologist remarked, "All this time we'd been thinking it was something mysterious and weird, but it turns out there's a perfectly logical explanation."
Prominent skeptic Ed Michaels said he felt vindicated. "These kooks have been rambling on and on about aliens and time travel for as long as I can remember. Looking back at all the time and energy they've wasted, they should feel pretty foolish knowing that there's a logical explanation for all of it."
Steven Francis, producer of the Sci-Fi channel's award-winning series Strange Encounters said, "In retrospect, it almost seems silly to think we thought it was extraterrestrials, knowing as we do now that it was all something with a straightforward explanation."
While our reporters were unable to determine which branch of the military General Albert Ford is with, or any other information about him, his perfectly logical explanation left us feeling confident that no further investigation is necessary.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that all the phenomena that have been reported all these years have been found to have a perfectly logical, easily-understood explanation that will satisfy both believers and skeptics alike."
Leroy McClane, a self-proclaimed ufologist remarked, "All this time we'd been thinking it was something mysterious and weird, but it turns out there's a perfectly logical explanation."
Prominent skeptic Ed Michaels said he felt vindicated. "These kooks have been rambling on and on about aliens and time travel for as long as I can remember. Looking back at all the time and energy they've wasted, they should feel pretty foolish knowing that there's a logical explanation for all of it."
Steven Francis, producer of the Sci-Fi channel's award-winning series Strange Encounters said, "In retrospect, it almost seems silly to think we thought it was extraterrestrials, knowing as we do now that it was all something with a straightforward explanation."
While our reporters were unable to determine which branch of the military General Albert Ford is with, or any other information about him, his perfectly logical explanation left us feeling confident that no further investigation is necessary.
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