Dinglebury, NT - Have you met someone using an online matchmaker website? Odds are, you have, and a study orchestrated by MatchMates thinks they know why. Orrin Belcher, led a team of researchers who interviewed couples who met through online dating sites to determine just how compatible they really were.
"It turns out that compatibility has absolutely nothing to do with what kind of music you like or what your favorite television show is," says Belcher, "what really matters is the comparative hotness of the people in the relationship."
Those who were unhappy upon meeting their online matches gave a common response as to why, as Belcher explains:
"Fat, dumpy people are just as unpopular on the internet as they are in real life. Turns out that, just like in the real world, the only people who will date pig monsters are other pig monsters."
And for those who considered themselves happy?
"They inevitably think it's fate, magic, that despite all odds, they ended up with someone who met their nailability standards. The sad truth is, they'd feel the same way if they met ANYBODY hot enough, I mean, these are desperate losers we're talking about here, dredging a digital garbage dump for a mate. Let's be realistic here."
The articles on this site are satire, they are NOT factual, and are not intended to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to any private individuals, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
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