D'Starkville, IN - The D'Starkville Diatribe's hard-hitting, award-winning investigators have uncovered a scandal within the seemingly-quiet hamlet that is D'Starkville. Local residents who find themselves stuck behind slow-driving, turn-signal nonuser Jefferey Bowers are greeted by a bumper sticker on the rear fender of his 1973 Buick Skylark informing them that his son, twelve year-old Eric Bowers, is an Honor Roll student at D'Starkville Middle School.
After a thorough investigation, our reporters have found this claim to be false. One of Eric's teachers had this to say about the matter:
"Honor Roll? That little bastard? Never in a million years. When he's not sniffing glue he's using the turtles from the science lab as hockey pucks."
Our reporters have also managed to obtain transcripts of Eric's grades, and are able to report that he gets mostly C's and a few D's. Charges have not been filed against Bowers, but hopefully they will be soon.
The articles on this site are satire, they are NOT factual, and are not intended to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to any private individuals, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
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